Self-care or Self-preservation?

April 23, 20202 Comments

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I hear terms like self-care, me-time, self-love, mom-cation, and all the fun synonyms often. Sometimes I scroll and see them every other post. In normal circumstances it can be difficult for the main caregiver to allow a break for themselves. But caregivers are always doing just that, giving. Giving time, giving an ear, giving a hug, giving a plate of food, giving a clean home, giving a bath to a child, giving a walk to the dog. Giving, giving, giving. But so often the caregiver doesn’t take time to give to themselves. We reason we’re busy, the kids need new shoes, we must be present for the family all waking hours. So it’s almost like we are programmed that anything with the word self or me in the title is selfish and shameful. And honestly, I don’t know why. My hubby has never demanded these things of me, it’s like some weird pre-programmed woman brain thing.

I’ve heard the cliche, “you can’t pour from an empty cup,” more times that I can count on both hands just in the last week. But even with the wave of empowerment being thrown around, so many caregivers still don’t take time to refill their cup. We then get rundown, angry, resentful, tired, develop depression and anxiety, or are just numb to everything. I myself have been known to overschedule and stay busy from the time my feet hit the floor until my hubby is literally shutting my laptop on my hands telling me to go to bed. It took some time and a few panic attacks but I finally realized it’s ok to just be. Not be busy, but just be.

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Now, needing a few minutes is not the same as wanting to abandon all responsibilites. And I can’t speak for other moms, but I have never looked at either of my children or said audibly enough for them to hear that mommy needs a break. I think that judgy folks who read women venting on social media about needing a break assuming their kids know is just rude. The reason moms turn to social media to vent is because the vast majority of their kids aren’t on social media and in some cases not old enough to read so it’s their way of getting out the frustration so that they DON’T tell their kids they need a break. We are all “trapped” or “lucky enough to be safely home” right now, regardless of how you want to put it. Whether you are “safe at home” or an essential worker, it’s safe to say most people are feeling more stress than normal right now with the pandemic and we should not be throwing shame at eachother.

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So, to help you learn to preserve your sanity, here are a few tips to help you unwind that won’t take your whole day but still let you feel like you had a little break and can refresh and recharge and maybe help you deal with the stress just a tad better:

Have an at-home mini pedi! I love my foot spa. Here is an inexpensive one I found online and I am not getting paid on this, just helping you find a nice one that won’t break the bank! It’s easy to setup and is super relaxing. I can have a glass of wine or read a book while my feet soak! The soak alone is very relaxing. I love my water super hot and I add epsom salts for a little razzle dazzle! I love keeping paint on my toes and I love the gel finish polish for a nice look without all the work of gel. For a quick at-home pedi I don’t bust out all the tools but will finish with a nice foot cream.

Face masks are the jam. Some stay on longer than others and some peel off while others rinse off. There are oodles and oodles of masks but I am sure to use ones that are suited for my skin type and serve a purpose. It makes me feel less guilty about my “me-time.” Again, I totally know we shouldn’t feel guilty so don’t get your panties in a bunch, it’s a joke. But with skincare you do want to be sure the products work for you and make you feel good all at the same time! Two of my favs are the Warming Vit C Peel, which doesn’t stay on long but feels so dang good and leaves my skin so soft and glowly, and the Charcoal Mask Stick, which does stay on while drying, has a pleasant smell, and leaves my skin fresh, clean, and smooth!

Read a book! If you have been wanting a new read, you can download books to your device with the Kindle App, and the books are very inexpensive or sometimes free! You can also order books for home delivery and Amazon offers pretty fast shipping. I read for business a lot, so when I want to unwind I go for trashy romance or love stories! Nothing too serious for me when I want to rest to my brain, but it’s completely up to you! Some folks enjoy personal development books in their free time and that is a great way to use your special time to grow. Just make sure it’s one you want to read and find a cozy spot that can provide enough light so you don’t strain your eyes and has little to no noise! If you need to lay the kids down a little early (or persuade the hubby to handle it one night) that is totally ok! If the kids are older, tell them you’re going to read and would like a little quiet time and head to your room and close the door! Or better yet, tell the whole family it’s reading time and have everyone read a book of their choice!

Journal! This is an odd time for everyone and we all process things differently. Sometimes getting feelings out onto paper is very freeing. You don’t need a fancy journal, just any paper or notebook will do, but if you want to get a journal you can find all sorts of pretty ones online! If nothing else, you can type a journal on a word document on the computer! It’s all up to you!

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Get enough sleep! This can be hard if you have little kids, but now may be the best time to implement a sleep schedule for them if you haven’t already so you can get the rest you need. That in itself is work, but it is so worth it and often takes just days if you really stick to your plan. If you have no kids at home or they are older, don’t feel bad about laying down early or even having a nap if the mood strikes you.

Take a long hot shower or a bubble bath! I am not a bath person, but I love a ridiculousy long steamy shower with lots of smelly goods. I’m talking nice body wash, exfoliation, hair mask, and I even find shaving nice because then I used good lotionafter and love my smooth legs in my jammies!

Move your body! I know exercise sounds like work, but if you can get your body moving for half an hour a day it really helps! Exercise releases endorphines which make you feel good! You know what I’m talking about, you don’t want to work out but make yourself go and afterwards you feel GREAT! You can walk outside, do a little cardio circuit in your living room, learn or practice some yoga which can be found online, or look up whatever type of exercise sounds fun to you on apps or YouTube so you can follow along. I love to do “power yoga” because it moves faster but is still a lot of stretching, low impact, and no tools are needed.

Call a friend. Yes, I said the four letter would C-A-L-L. We are so used to text and messages but we also are not used to being isolated all the time. Even if it seems scary, it will feel great to catch up with a friend and may do you AND them a lot of good!

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There are tons more ways to take just a few minutes to step away from stress and give yourself a little boost but I hope you’ll give one or two of these a try this week. Even if all you did all day was keep your tiny humans alive, you still deserve a time-out. Growing a new garden, remodeling your house, and cooking a four-course dinner also warrant a break and huge love button on FB, but don’t assume you don’t deserve a mental health break because you didn’t master that common core math problem on your kids digital learning assignment. Everyone’s normal is different, so you can only worry about you and what is best for your family. And again, you can’t pour from an empty cup. We cannot properly care for others if we have not properly cared for ourselves. We go above and beyond for everyone else, so why do you deserve any less?

Push It Good

September 15, 2019September 15, 20192 Comments

I am hardly in shape. In fact I have a lot of work to do. But slow progress is still progress. At least that’s what I hear. So when one of my good friends suggested we do a 10k walk/run together I initially told her no. I actually said, “I love you and you’re my hero, but I’d have to be picked up off the street!” She is very convincing, though, so after some back and forth texts, I reluctantly agreed. I also told her I wasn’t sure if she was a good or bad influence…

For about a month I made sure to go to the gym and hit the cardio hard, but I honestly should’ve trained a lot harder. As the event got closer, I started to get nervous. I began to overthink the whole thing and had some doubts on if I was going to physically be able to complete this race. A 10k is 6.2 miles all at the same time. When I went to our business conference last month I walked well over that amount daily, but it was over the course of the day with breaks in between for classes and parties and food! I complained online about the 10k so much a friend even reached out to the organizer to see if I could drop down to the 5k…but I told her no, I committed to the 10k and will just have to do it! I mostly didn’t want to let my friend down and make her go alone on a 10k.

I hardly slept the night before the race and when my alarm went off at 4:45am I was definitely rethinking this whole thing. I was up super early on a Saturday with no opportunity to earn money or be going on vacation. In fact, I woke up that early to purposely push my body not to it’s limit, but way past it! What have I done?? I didn’t prepare enough for this! I can’t go that far, not all in the same trek! Oh my gosh! How embarrassing will it be to have to get a ride back?! What will my friend think? Allllll the bad thoughts were racing through my brain, but I’m very well the most stubborn and loyal person ever, so I had to go anyway and keep my word to my friend.

Here we are right before the race. Once I met up with her for the ride over and listened to her tell me over and over how we were about to rock this 10k I started to feel better and believe her! Plus, again, super stubborn so I had to just suck it up and do it, even it if meant crawling back. So, we did the group warm-up and lined up at the start line and just like that, we were in a 10k!

We had a beautiful track. Basically it was a river walk and mostly flat. It was early so it wasn’t the heat of the day, and we had a nice cool breeze coming from the water. We talked about our lives, we saw crew teams practicing on the river and felt glad to not be working that hard, we sang and listened to music, and before we knew it we had already gone halfway!

We had kept a good pace and even jogged a bit! We found the more we slowed down, the harder it was, so we either jogged or power walked. It was like slowing down made us lose momentum even though we were getting tired. So we tried to keep moving with quicker strides. Then we made it to the final big race marker which left less than 2 miles for us to make it to the finish line! We both were shocked how well we felt and were still going! But we weren’t done yet!

I think the closer we got to the end the harder it became. Not because we were tired but because we were excited to be done! Sort of like the week leading up to a vacation, you know how it seems like the longest week ever? We had tackled the longest part already, but just wanted to be at the finish line and it was so close, yet seemed so far away still. But, together we rallied, turned up some carefully chosen jams to pump us up and we just kept encouraging each other.

Suddenly we could see it, the finish line! I think it seemed like it was even farther away the closer it became. She told me before we even started that no matter what, we had to jog across the finish line. My legs were burning, I had a cramp not just in my side but all across my stomach, and my shirt was soaked with a bad mix of humidity and sweat. But, I told I her I would jog across with her. As we got closer I saw a marker and said we will start the jog there. I took a few deep breaths leading up to the marker and then when we hit it, we both took off running, up a small hill no less! Once we crossed the finish line, we both high-fived and then stopped to breathe. It hurt to stop moving. Once we stopped, the adrenaline stopped and pain set in! We made our way up to grab a drink and a snack provided by the organizer and some wonderful sponsors. We hung around to hear the winners, even though we knew it wouldn’t be us, and hear some of the announcements.

We did it. We both finished a 10k, our first 10k. Oddly enough we were all smiles! Sweaty, tired, but smiley! I was so proud of her, she was so proud of me, and we were both proud of ourselves!

Most folks were unsure why I would even attempt to do this even though I wasn’t ready and could have just as easily supported this organization by doing the 5k or even just making a donation. This was a test. Not a physical one, either. Follow me here…

Most of us limit our beliefs to what we have already done or accomplished. We assume because we haven’t done something it’s not possible, or even that we have to spend countless hours and days learning or prepping for something we want. I needed to push myself. Yes, some of the push was physical, but most of it was mental. You’d be surprised what your body will do if you think you can do it. I had to tell myself I had to finish, not try to finish or want to finish but HAD to finish. No option. Was it going to be hard, yes, but my poor self-talk leading up to it only made it harder. I had to change my brain in the hours leading up to the race and during the race to stop with the doubts and make myself believe I could do it. I relied on the encouragement of my friend as well as my own positive thoughts to push me to keep going. I told myself over and over I was going to finish and be able to say I completed a 10k. This was also a chance to test and prove a few theories…

1. Surrounding yourself with people who are not only positive but willing to push you and walk beside you are so important. Find your real squad, even it’s it just one or two people, and never let them go.

2. If you think you can you’re right, if you think you can’t you’re right. You decide what you can and can’t do, so why not tell yourself you can?

3. Winging it is ok. You don’t have to do all the training and prepping to actually do the thing. If you spend too much time planning, when are you just going to do it? Don’t spend so much time prepping you don’t try things. Sometimes the best lessons are mistakes. And wonky experiences are still better than no experience at all.

4. Be willing to look silly. Nobody wants to be around a know-it-all or someone who looks like they’re ready for their cover shoot all the time. Real is better than perfect. When in doubt, wear the tutu. The right people will gravitate to you regardless of how you or your house looks.

5. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your bestie. You would be nothing but encouraging to her, so why are you mentally pooping on yourself? Your thoughts become your belief, so why not believe you’re a badass unicorn goddess??

So go forth and find your squad, change your mind, wing it, look silly, and be that badass unicorn goddess I know you are! I’ll be doing the same!

International Women’s Day; A Company for Women

March 8, 20191 Comment

International Women’s Day is today, March 8th, 2019. In that spirit I wanted to share this story of mine, a woman, who changed the trajectory of her life. Over six years ago I joined this wonderful company just for a little extra as I had a full time corporate job in the medical field. I even had a team of employees under me and it was a pretty hectic and stressful position and I found my business to be a fun thing “just” for me. As with many corporate companies we merged and had some major changes within the organization. It did not feel like the place I had started at and the work was no longer fulfilling but just extremely stressful and that was passed to my husband and children most days, not intentionally of course. Although I was miserable, I earned a VERY nice salary so I couldn’t just walk away. I saw others successful in my business and thought to myself, “if they can do this FT, so can I.” That was my “AHA” moment as we Direct Sellers call it. That was January 2014. In August of 2016, I handed in my notice to the company I had been with over ten years, with the blessing of my husband, after ensuring I had built my business enough to let go of that salary (no more childcare costs helped a tad with that). It’s now March 2019, and I have enjoyed earning a good income, three exotic vacations (all free), endless goodies, lots of rewards and recognition, lots of traveling, and have made some of the best friends I have ever known in my loyal customers and my fabulous teammates. If you had told me in 2012 I would no longer be in a corporate position and doing my little side hustle FT, I would have laughed hysterically right in your face. Little did I know at that time what that small investment would mean for me later. What if $25 could completely change your life?? I cannot promise you can quit your job or earn FT, that’s up to you, but I can show you how I did. If you need to pay a bill or need a change in career or anything in between, I’d love to chat!

If you are ready, click here to start your new journey. Cheers to all the women out there!

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Tag: women

Self-care or Self-preservation?

Push It Good

International Women’s Day; A Company for Women